Recipe 4: (S)Mashing Pumpkin

Belieeeeeeve~~ Believe i-hin mee~ Belieeeeeeeeeeeeeve~ believe~~!

Sorry, couldn't help myself. I am a 90's kid after all.

Since next Friday is November 1st, I'm doing my Halloween post this week. And guess what we're making today, kids?

Ingredient Spotlight:
Name: Pumpkin
Origin: North America
Known for: Halloween! >:)
Uses: Pies, stews, jack-o-lanterns, ravioli stuffing, the seeds, the list goes on.
Can you eat it raw? No... no.

Halloween has been forever epitomized by pumpkins for reasons. But pumpkins aren't just for cutting up sadistically and letting them rot on your porch or be smashed by your neighbors. They're also for eating! Yeah. I know. Weird.

Pumpkin pie is, of course, one of the most popular uses of the pumpkin, and for damn good reasons. Pumpkin pie is, without comparison, THE BEST PIE. THE BEST. DO NOT DISAGREE WITH ME, FOR I AM SHOUTING LOUDER THAN YOU ARE AND THAT'S HOW ARGUMENTS WORK, RIGHT? ... Right?

... Are you still my friend? :'(

Assuming you are still my friend, today let's make...

(S)MASHING PUMPKIN

This dish... this dish. Ohhh, this dish. It's smashing. You'll see. 

(The following is for 2-3 servings. Use math to make more than 1-2 servings.)

Main Stuff:
1 small pumpkin, cubed (I do not recommend being a hero and getting a huge pumpkin. I do not understand how you could possibly eat all of it unless you have a family of 27.)
Butter

Spices/Herbs (All to taste):
Cinnamon, powdered
Brown sugar
Salt
Pepper

Optional ingredients:
1 or 2 (or 3 or 4) garlic cloves, left whole (You know, for the vampires.)
Milk, for a creamier pumpkin

Total cost per serving:
More or less 87 ¢

Steps:

1. If you've ever carved a jack-o-lantern, you know that pumpkins are hard like a priest at an all boy's school, and they're also filled with goop. Toss out all of that goop. Keep the seeds, though, because you can roast them in a frying pan.

*Do note that you can boil the pumpkin or roast it. For this recipe, I'm roasting it.

2. Slice the pumpkin into wedges. This will take years off of your life, probably. And a really sharp knife. And muscles. The result of your blood, sweat, and tears will look like this:

3. I like to sprinkle cinnamon and brown sugar on those wedges, but if you're not into that... you're soulless. Anyway, toss that in the oven at around 375 for 45 minutes to an hour, depending on how big your wedges are. If you're using garlic, put the cloves in there too, but take them out after 15ish minutes.

4. When it's good and soft (poke them to check), take the pumpkin out of the oven, peel it, cube it up, then mash the orange out of it. It will look like this:

5. Add enough butter and milk to make the mash as creamy as you want it to be. I left mine a bit dry, but it's all up to you. Also, add more cinnamon and brown sugar because why not?

Now, the thing with this is that, if you're the adventurous type, you can use it to make stuffed ravioli. I've yet to attempt making homemade pasta, but one day, I will. And believe me, pumpkin-stuffed ravioli will be the first thing I make. If you're that type, do that and tell me all about it. In detail. In extreme detail. Food is basically porn for me, as you've probably come to find out. Also invite me over for that shit.

Next week, I promise, I will post a full recipe. It's been a while since I've done that, I know, but trust me, I've got some tasty things cooking up.

Later on.

Recipe 3: Sucker Punch Turnips

Friends. Hello. It's Fall Autumn Fautumn? that time of year where the leaves change colors and get the fuck off their trees. I love it. I love the unpredictable and random temperatures. I love the colors. And I love the food that suits this fiendishly capricious weather, such as...

Ingredient Spotlight:
Name: Turnip
Origin: Eurasia
Known for: Being hot and fiery.
Uses: By itself, raw, cooked, pickled, whatever. They're awesomely versatile.
Can you eat it raw? Yes, but they're HOT AND FIERY.

Turnips are pretty much the shit. Like you saw up there in the uses, there are quite a few things you can do with them. A lot of people pickle them, which I've never tried, and while that's very good, my favorite thing to do with them involves completely different steps. Let me teach you how to make a very easy snack...

SUCKER PUNCH TURNIPS

This is an incredibly quick and easy side dish or snack that will surely punch your guests in the face with FLAVOR.
   (The following is for 1 turnip. Use math to make more than 1 turnip.)

Main Stuff:
1 turnip, cubed or sliced. Whichever.

Spices/Herbs (All to taste): 

Fennel seed, ground

Black pepper, ground

Salt, sea

Optional ingredients:
Cottage cheese, for dipping.

Total cost per serving:
Is there a dime in your pocket? Then that. That much money. 

Steps:

1. Preheat the oven to 375 OR set broil to high. Then, SLICE OR DICE THE SHIT OUT OF THOSE PURPLEY WHITE MOFOS! Be warned, though - they are no slouches. You'll need some biceps to cut them. They will fight back.

2. Grease a baking sheet, as well as the turnips, then spread them all around like a madman. Umm... on the baking sheet. Not all over your kitchen. 

3. Cover them with salt and pepper, and most importantly, the ground fennel seeds. Fennel + Turnips = A mouth massage. 

4. Pop 'em in the oven for about 20 minutes, if you want them a bit crunchy, or 30 minutes if you want them soft.

5. EAT THEM. 

Technically, the recipe ends here, but... There is more you can do, if you want. You don't have to. I don't have pictures for this either. Totally off the record. You wanna know? Okay, uh... here, meet me over in that dark corner in about 2 seconds. ... Yeah, over there. ... What? ... NO of course this isn't that illegal! ... NO I DON'T HAVE DRUGS. Here, just, shut up for a second.

... You all shutted up? Good.

Listen.

Psst. ... Yeah, I know I already have your attention, I just like saying "psst". So, uh, those turnips. If you let them bake a little longer, like around 30-35 minutes... You can mash them after that. And the result? Feloniously delicious. But don't tell anyone that I told you that. Just pretend you had the idea yourself, capiche? ... SAY "OKAY CAPICHE". ... Thank you. Now let's get out of here.

Until next time, rabble-rousers.

Recipe 2: Something About Rosemary Chicken

Greetings, greetings. Last week I was lame and told you how to make rice (better). This week, though, I retrieved from my arsenal of recipes something that will change your life. Let me jump right into the main ingredient for today's post, a little herb called rosemary. 

Ingredient Spotlight:
Name: Rosemary
Origin: Mediterranean
Known for: A sensual aroma and a Simon and Garfunkel song.
Uses: Adding flavor to chicken and beef, as well as bread.
Can you eat it raw? Most definitely.

I've had a love affair with rosemary for a while now. I used to get it dried, but later found out that it's far more seductive when it's fresh. Oh yes, rosemary and I go way back. Why, I remember when we were but teenagers, meeting up in secret to explore each other's bod--- I've gone too far. You don't need to know the rest.

Being an herb, rosemary needs to be treated delicately, and with the utmost love. Don't fry it, in other words. But bake it? Yes. Do bake it. Bake it good. Today, let's make... 

SOMETHING ABOUT ROSEMARY CHICKEN

This is a sexy and elegant dish that will cause people to fall uncontrollably in love with you. Use with caution.

(The following is for 1 serving. Use math to make more than 1 serving.)

Main Stuff:
A few sprigs of rosemary
1 chicken breast
Olive oil
Onion/shallots, diced
A few cloves of garlic, diced

Spices/Herbs (All to taste):
Black pepper, cracked (Ground is fine too)
Salt

Optional ingredients:
A handful of mushrooms, sliced
A splash of white wine (Do NOT use red wine)
Your favorite sauce

Total cost per serving:
In the neighborhood of $2.98

Steps:

1. Preheat your oven to a sultry 380 degrees (That's 190 celsius for you metric system users).

2. Cover a baking sheet with aluminum foil. Then, and this is very important imperative, tear off another fairly large sheet of aluminum foil and put the chicken in the center of it.

3. With the chicken on the foil, turn up the edges of the foil to make a sort-of box. Add about a tablespoon of olive oil and enough water to make a shallow pool for the chicken. Don't drown it, though. This is also when you add the wine, if you're using it, or whatever other sauce tickles your fancy.

4. Now, add the salt, pepper, onion, garlic and about half a sprig of rosemary in there. Feel free to break the leaves off the stem and throw the stem away. But be gentle. If you're using mushrooms, put them in now. You should have something that looks like this:

That is my famous chicken pouch. It sounds adorably gross, but it's single-handedly the best way to bake chicken. Now, close the foil up. Tight. That's right. Pinch it. Ooh yeah, squeeze it. Love it. Yeah baby. Here, let me show you how it's done:

That's what I call a chicken pouch! It makes ten thousand worlds of difference.

5. Bake for, like, a while. Follow this chart:

Amount   |   Baking Time
1 breast      45-50 minutes

Add 20-25 minutes for each additional breast. Teehee.

6. Walk away. Sing a song. Watch a show. Enjoy the aroma that is most certainly taking over your home.

7. Remove the chicken from the oven, and open the pouches very carefully and slowly, like you're making sweet, tender love to them. There will be steam. It will be hot. Mind your face.

8. I suggest you just plop the chickens out of the pouches right onto the plate. If you try to remove them, use tongs, because if you did everything right they will fall apart the moment they touch a fork. Be careful. Feel free to pour the juices over the chicken, as they should be salmonella free now.

9. Eat, eat and be... rosemary. Most likely, you'll be orgasming at this point. Yeah. You're welcome.

Serve with noodles or rice, or whatever, I guess. And make sure you add a vegetable. I used roasted Brussels' sprouts because the oven was on anyway. Which is super easy, just cut them in half and put them on the tray. Take them out after 15 minutes.

I actually made this dish two days in a row, because I love it that much. I like to experiment with it, and you should too. Here's a variant using a curry-like sauce that I will probably make a post about in the future:

You may have wet dreams about this dish in the future. That's okay. It happens. Don't be ashamed.

Until next time. And to the ladies out there: I must shamelessly... plug my sister's fashion blog. It's quite good. Visit QueenLeen Stylephile to find out more.